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My last words..

I can say I still love you, but I’ll be honest that I really am over you. You know how good it feels to finally move on? Yet you should know since you already have..

From the start.. You were the one to make me happy. You were the one who I thought would never let me down. Though I was wrong. You were the FIRST to ever give up & leave me the way you did. I dont hate you, I hate the way we ended. We were so happy one day & next thing you know you just wanted to walk out. My moms birthday, it was a special day for me. I couldnt enjoy that day knowing I was arguing with my fam cause they would talk bad about you. I sleep from all that anger. I wake up with fam still over. Me being happy cause I was able to text you finally & next thing you know, there was nothing to be happy about when you replied my text. You see me running upstairs to my brothers room just crying my eyes out! How can you end what we got so quickly then the next day just start talking to another girl? How could you tell me you didnt want to be with me because you were tired of my family talking about you when it was an easy way to work out? How could you just tell me to be strong and not to cry when you hurt me deeply? Days go by & I’m stuck in my room crying & not being able to eat. You think I was able to handle seeing you talk to other girls? Not even one bit. After we were over, yes we still acted as a couple. But you acted like a little punk as well. I talk to you so nicely, but you responded like a big ass brat. Its like I didnt even know you anymore. As you got with a girl, you left her to be with me. A homie tells me you said you broke up with me for a stupid reason & that if you never broke up with me, we would’ve lasted till now. You know how much tears fell down my face when he told me that? Why couldnt we continue what we got? Though as we were close to going back to the old times, how did I not know you were talking to someone while you were trying to be with me? Ill give you props for hiding that from me. How stupid was I to let go of the others who tried to be with me. No matter how much I told you how much I still felt for you, it meant NOTHING at all to you. Your with someone else & I’ll admit.. She makes you happy, but she changed you. Your not the guy I met at the club that I would text each day. Your a whole different person. Your not caring much about life, your not caring much about school, your not even around your old friends anymore. What happened to the old you? To where your friends didnt have to tell me that your barely around. To where you would go to school each day. To where you focused on your life. You were so caring, you told me everything. Now its as if you can tell me nothing. I shouldnt be hearing all these bad news about you from others. I should be hearing it from YOU. But then you know what, its whatever makes you happy. If this girl makes you happy, then I’m happy for you. I’m done being depressed. I’m done thinking of you every damn day. I can honestly say, our memories are always kept & what we had is always remembered, but feelings for you are finally moved away. Dont worry about me telling you how much I miss what we had. Its not like your gonna care anyway right? I’ll admit, I ask myself what it is that she got that I dont.. But its something that shouldnt matter. I still believe in you. I believe you will go far in life. You know there would never be a day when I would let you down, when I would give up on you. You know for a fact I’m always by your side when times get rough. Till then.. No worries of me trying to come back.

I’ll happily say, I’m glad that I’m over you. I’m glad this depression actually has an end.

04252k9;2:37am is what I keep remained with me always..

Me & Homie were just talking about how we missing the good ol’ days. I’ll honestly say, at one point I’d forget what we had. I was done forcing myself to be depressed cause I’d see pictures of you happy with someone else. I was done imagining myself being the one that made you happy. All that just put me through a never ending depression. I’d say I’m over you, but then I realized I was just saying that cause I accepted the fact that you were with someone else. I go through my things on myspace & whatnot. There I find the little hack you left me when we were together.. You dont understand how many tears fell down my cheeks. As I was crying I asked myself why do I keep lying to myself that I dont care that your with someone else when I actually do. I asked myself, when can I finally be happy again?.. I then thought to myself, he wrote all this & yet we ended shortly. Why couldn’t we keep what we had going? After us, you dont understand how much bullshit I been through. If I still had you I know all the things I’ve done wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t be put in the situation I’m in now. You know I’ll be leaving not just this state, but this country. Little months & I’m gone.. Will you be able to tell me anything you wanted to say till I leave? If theres nothing, just know I’d always wish you the best & like I always say .. even if you dont feel the same, I’m always love you. Somehow you seem to not leave my mind..

I know its been a long while and I should be over you by now. I know you got someone new, someone you love and I shouldnt even be having feelings for you anymore. But thoughts of you, memories we shared and even YOU seem to always come back to mind, to me.. Just seeing you happy with someone else is hard to see. I just miss the times when I was the one you loved, the one you were happy with. I wanted you more than anything. I thought I gave everything but I dont see how it wasnt enough. Lately you’ve been in my dreams. Dreams on how we were back together. Why cant they be reality? Had a dream on how I was looking for you. You say you were there but I seem to not be able to see you. I look up on what my dream meant. Defines that when you search for someone or something, your in search for something or someone that you need in your life or whats missing. Lately I barely been happy cause I’m missing the one whos kept a smile on my face throughout everything. I need the one who keeps me happy to keep me motivated. I just never thought I’d ever see me & him be this way, not this soon.. I can honestly say, hes the one I cant get over no matter how hard I try. No matter who may even come into my life and try to replace him. Cause I really and truely do love him. No matter how much it deeply hurts.. </3

Till this day, your the one I stay thinking of from the time I wake till the time I sleep. Feelings for you are still what I feel. But what shall I say? It is what it is. I may have these feelings but I aint letting anything bring me down.

We told eachother that we’re STILL here for eachother.

But just know, I still do Love you no matter what! Everything of me may change but feelings for you may not.

Your still that buba of mine & I’ll always be your gummy bear </3 .

After all the depression.. I’d think each day. I cant stand this no more. Said to myself, ITS TIME. No more crying out tears for no reason. No more talking to people about my problems when I shoulda realized it from the very beginning that Im done! I’d say fck it, I dont need this shit. I know I can take the pain and keep moving!

Yes, I told myself lies. I told myself Im done with him..

Cant stop looking back at the days when being so happy with you. When I felt no anger nor sadness coming along any time soon. Everyday with you was full of laughter & joy! :D Felt nothing would ever go wrong. Yet ; I kept my hopes up too high..

I never had that feeling when I was so hurt & my heart being so broken. Turns out.. The one that made me happy most, was the one who hurt it the coldest! Tears come down every second & all I wanted to do was stay in bed. Though, I was finally back on my feet when you said you still loved me. As you say you did, all I wondered was if you really did mean it. Cause damn right I knew I did. Seeing you talk to other girls, people telling me move on, is something I couldn’t stand. But then I knew sooner or later you’d go back out there to find someone new. So I decided I shall too.

I talked to this guy & he was as sweet as you were. But I just had to let him down when thoughts of you came to mind again. I talked to another & he told me hes waited for 2 years now. But then again the same happened with the other. I stopped trying to talk to someone else. Cause no matter how much I tried talking to someone new, I knew I wont be able to handle or go through it knowing your ALWAYS on my mind. Its hard knowing you just left me with memories…

One day, I find out you finally got a new girl. So I thought to myself, WOW! It really is time to move on no matter how hard its going to be. So there I am out there again. Me & this guy talked for a month. And finally me & him went out. As me & him were together, I realized I was stupid for saying yes when he asked me out. Being with him made me not feel a spark at all. Knowing I still wanted to be with you.. Its him whom I then ended it with.

A week later, I see you again face to face. All I wanted to do was weep knowing seeing you made me think of the good times we had. But when I saw you we were just back to the laughter. Later that day I see you with the girl your with. & Like a friend said.. “Its hard seeing an ex with their new bf/gf”. I didn’t wanna try looking at you at all. Yet I had no choice. That night, I gave you a hug goodbye. Heading home made me feel down. I couldnt stand what I saw & most of all, I couldnt stand how I felt.

Happily, me & you started talking again more often. The way things were(; . Friends telling me your gonna ask me to be yours again. You saying you love me again. & Didnt believe it till you ended it with your girl. After your break up, there we were back to acting as a couple. Back to seeing you every weekend again <3. Then again, Hopes went up too high again.

Found out you’ve started talking to someone new. & All I wanted to do was go back to the depression..

“Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.”

How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?

I don’t really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we’ve loved … the times you’ve left
My heart says stay … but it’s my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together
Laughter … fun times … tears;
Yet sometimes we can’t turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now … only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you
May God’s best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way.

Theres nothing left for me to say. Things went wrong & you just had to turn away. I gave you everything & did all that I can just to be with you. But I guess it wasn’t enough for you. It seems you didn’t even appreciate all that I’ve done for you..